Tis the season...

Tis the season for Felicia to get restless. Edgy. Fidgety. Uneasy. It is the season of planning trips, but not yet getting to enjoy them. It is the season of waiting for rain and snow, and once you get it, dealing with the rain and snow. It is the time of year where the joys and festivities of the holidays are truly over. All of us Christmas lovers have FINALLY packed up ALL the decorations, and tons upon tons of cookies are finally gone.   Valentine’s day puts up a pathetic attempt at something to celebrate, but it truly is the doldrums.

                Some could also call this “cabin fever”. I tend to look longingly at the new summer apparel coming out, and I can’t wait to pull out the flip-flops, tank tops, and shorts. The hiking guidebooks have a tendency of appearing all over the house, and REI goes back to a frequently visited website. I start scouring the web looking for spring/summer road races to plan winter training runs.

                To stay sane, I am the kind of person that needs to be outdoors. The weather has been quite fair in California this winter so far, but I have not really been able to appreciate it. Work has kept me busy, and it is hard to plan a good ole’ camping trip when you expect a winter storm any day. (I do not go winter camping). I can’t wait till spring, but considering we have had little precipitation, spring is going to be quite brown and dry. *sigh*

                I shall deal with this stage of life the way the way I do every year. I shall continue to plan, I will start concentrating on getting myself physically ready for summers challenges, and I will try my best to appreciate every day as it comes. It is amazing how we can’t ever seem to live in the present.

                Is it June yet?

Occupational Hazards

          It was my 3^rd day on the floor of the cardiac unit. I was having some confidence issues to say the least. This lack of confidence was beginning to eat at me, and started to become very apparent. I was starting to feel like I was a total failure. My mentor nurse was a fabulous woman who sat me down and told me something so simple but so profound it has stuck with me since.

“You are not your job.”

In this society, our very identity seems to come from what we do for a living. I suppose this is a logical course of thought considering what we decide to do with a majority of a time can say a lot about us. For instance, park rangers are typically going to be people that like the outdoors…or at least don’t mind it. Law enforcement officers are typically people that don’t mind walking down dark alleys with unsavory people lurking in them. I know there are exceptions to everything, but certain types of people are drawn to certain types of jobs. Stereotypes come from some truth. 

             As someone who recently was in the job hunt, job hunting is depressing. Not having employment takes a huge chunk from your self-esteem. For obvious reasons, being able to provide for yourself is not something to take lightly. Starving can’t be fun. Having said this…

             While a job is vital, your job does not define you. A rude and bitter person is a rude and bitter person whether they sweep floors or perform brain surgery.  A content optimistic person is a content optimistic person whether they fix cars or sit behind a desk all day. Your personality can attract you to a profession, but the profession does not define you.

           We tend to get lost in titles. The longer and more prestigious the title, somehow the more valuable a person is. Essentially, we are nothing but a bunch of imperfect humans dealing with imperfect humans. I think this fact is shown most intensely in healthcare. We expect health professionals to fix us no matter what we have self-inflicted on our fragile bodies. Health professionals feel this expectation, and we do want to fix people. We feel like failures if we can’t…sometimes like we fail as a person.

           The point of all this, is to take pride in good honest work, but realize your work is not your identity. I am sure most people already realize this, but I am learning this now especially as a nurse. In my particular profession, I see people that live and breathe nursing and when they have a bad day they internalize it. I do love nursing, but I want to work to live, not live to work. I want to do the best job I can, but be able to go home and not feel like I failed at life if things don’t go perfect. (And remember that successes at work don't necessarily equal a successful life). Again, this seems to be a trap healthcare professionals especially tend to fall into. (We want to fix when no one but God can truly fix).

           Not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone but me. (This is the RAMBLINGS of Felicia after all). I guess it all goes back to remembering what truly matters in life. Family, friends, and being a decent human no matter what you do. When you die, people are going to remember one thing and it is not how sucessful you were in society or how much money you made. It is kindness.